When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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