Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
