this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
