I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
