So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
