After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
