you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
