the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
