we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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