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careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
