is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
