i would punch a child for taco bell
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my being single is dangerous.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
