the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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