how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
