he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
