I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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