She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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