i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
