TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
