Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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