Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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