Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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