I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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