Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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