this beer tastes like vomit already
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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