they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
