i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
