Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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