He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
