Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
3pm strippers are depressing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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