i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
