I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
