he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
