if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
