Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
