You just made me feel so damn special
In America we eat man semen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
