If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
