I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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