dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
