I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
