Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
