I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
