It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
