What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
