so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
