fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
