Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
