I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
