Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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