I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
