I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
