She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
