She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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