I'm laying in your front yard are you home
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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