Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
