i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
